I couldn’t think of an appropriate title for this blog post because at first I thought I was having a midlife crisis and contemplating going to therapy. Then I decided I was burnt out. So whatever you want to call it… I’ve been going through something the past few weeks and I finally feel like I’m am seeing the light at the end of tunnel…but I’m not there just yet.
So, yeah I’m not sure what to call this exactly and my feelings have been a little bit of everywhere. The last few weeks I’ve been cranky, miserable, feeling down, tired, frustrated..so many feelings. I even woke up on a Monday and called my husband crying. What was I crying about? I was just frustrated for no particular reason. I guess life has been getting to me. Between work and all the pressures I put on myself. I just felt burned out. I am always trying to accompolish as much as I can in a day. I am one of those people who have to stay busy to feel like I am being productive. I have a hard time doing nothing.
So when I felt like this what did I do? I did the worst possible thing…I watched YouTube videos. Which got me into trouble in the first place. Watching videos then getting frustrated. Am I doing enough? Am I enough? Am I productive enough? Do I have enough money for retirement? Am I on the right track with life? Am I on the right track with my career? Yes these are real thoughts for me and I do down this spiral of binge watching videos and I overload myself. That on top of already being stressed out is a recipe for disaster.
So I just stopped and allowed myself to feel all my feelings. No more YouTube videos, no more pressure to blog and accept sometimes just being and doing nothing. No more pressure to read 3 books a month or do anything because I feel like I need to do these things. So instead I’ve just been living. I haven’t felt like blogging so I stopped.
Earlier in the month I took a break and talked about it. So clearly, there is something going on over here and I’m still trying to work on it the best I can. Which means self care, deep breaths, talking and putting myself first. So I might start blogging again but I’m doing this at my own pace and how it feels right to me. No more pressure.